Irony Practice 1

A mean old man ate a large meal at a restaurant. The waitress tried to provide him with excellent service, but every time she brought him a dish, he complained. First he thought that the soup was too cold when it was hot. Then he said that his steak was dry and chewy, when it was moist and succulent. Then he complained that one of her blonde hairs was in his mashed potatoes, but the hair was actually grey like his own. She remained patient and continued to try to help him until the end of the meal, when he left her a quarter for a tip. She replied on his way out, "Thank you for the generous tip, Mister."

Tom has always liked Lucy, but Lucy has always thought Tom was annoying and unattractive. One day, Lucy comes home to find an eviction notice on her door. Apparently, her roommate had been spending the rent money that Lucy was giving her on other things. Lucy only has 24 hours to get all her stuff over to her mom's house, and Lucy doesn't even have a car. But Tom has a truck. So Lucy calls up Tom and asks him how he's doing. She tells him that she's always thought he was funny, and that they should hang out sometime. Tom thinks that Lucy has finally come around is beginning to like him. He also thinks that his jokes are funny because she is laughing after everything that he says.

Tim Kylie is one of the world's top chefs. He is best known for his signature dish, triple-dipped chip steak. This masterpiece contains over a pound of beef braised in duck fat. Another of Chef Kylie's more celebrated dishes is the Hamslaughter Supreme. This dish features ham stuffed sausage links presented in a basket made of braided bacon. While carnivores around the world roar for Chef Kylie's creations, it is unlikely that Chef Kylie will dine with them. As a longtime vegan, Chef Kylie would never dream of devouring one of his own dishes.

Lawrence was sweeping up the trimmings at the barbershop when he saw the circus posters. He knew right away that he would be taking his little cousins. They loved animals and Lawrence was looking forward to seeing the smiles on their faces. This trip was going to cost him though, and sweeping up hair clippings didn't pay a whole lot. Yet he saved until he had the 45 dollars to get the tickets. When he saw his cousins' faces, the price seemed like a bargain. Soon they walked into that big circus tent. This was the first time that Lawrence realized that he and his cousins would be thirsty and hungry. As they sat in their seats, the drink vendor walked by selling beverages. Desperately thirsty, Lawrence asked how much a lemonade would cost. The drink vendor said, "Eleven dollars each." Lawrence replied, "Oh, that's it? Just eleven dollars? What a great deal for one cup of lemonade." The drink vendor walked away.

Mr. Reinhart is the building inspector for the entire county. Before a person can build an addition on their home or property, the plans need to be approved by Mr. Reinhart. Mr. Reinhart is the man. He checks that each plan follows building codes before he approves the construction. He makes sure that construction goes according to the plan once building begins. He ensures that every structure in the county is built properly. One day Mr. Reinhart was having a party at his house. He and his guests were barbecuing on the porch attached to his house, when it suddenly collapsed. Apparently, termites got into the wood and had been chewing away the support beams for years. Mr. Reinhart hadn't noticed.

Mr. Bath is the president of Make-A-Bath Industries, a small company that employs ten people. One of those people is Tom Miller, father of six. Recently, it seems that the economy has taken a downward shift. Make-A-Bath hasn't been selling bathtubs like they once did. Now Mr. Bath has to fire three workers, one of whom will be Tom Miller. Mr. Bath has never fired anyone before, so he has been delaying giving Tom and the other employees the bad news. But Christmas is approaching and Tom wants to buy nice gifts for his six children. Tom doesn't have much cash, so he charges a whole bunch of nice gifts on his credit card. Tom figures that he can pay it back with money from his checks that he will be getting from his job all year. Tom and his family don't have a lot of extra money to spend, but he likes to get his kids nice Christmas presents. Tom was whistling "Let it Snow" as Mr. Bath called him into his office.

When Mr. Goodenwell saw his baby boy Vince for the first time, he swore that he'd do anything to protect the little guy. This was easy at first. All Vince did was lie in a pillow and drink milk. But soon little Vince grew bigger, and then he started walking. Now little Vince got into everything. Vince's curiosity was becoming a serious threat to himself. So Mr. Goodenwell went to the store and bought $150 worth of equipment to childproof his home. He put covers on the outlets, bumpers on the table corners, and a sliding lock on the toilet lid. As Mr. Goodenwell was adjusting the covers on the door knobs, Vince pulled the cap off an outlet and chewed on it. It got lodged in his throat and Vince began to choke. Mr. Goodenwell found him just in time.

The Solomon brothers got more eggs than Timmy every year. Timmy reasoned that this was because there were two of them and they counted their eggs as one. He suspected that this was cheating but couldn't articulate the notion. Timmy clutched his sack behind his back as the Solomon brothers approached him. The taller brother distracted Timmy. The shorter one snuck behind him and clipped the corner of Timmy's egg sack, making quite a big hole. Timmy failed to notice this. When the whistle blew, Timmy was off. He wasn't surprised to see the Solomon brothers behind him. Timmy was much faster than they. He was surprised that they chose to follow him. Timmy beat them to every egg, and raced on to the next, never noticing that his sack wasn't getting heavier. As he approached the end of the course, Timmy was elated to be the first to finish. The Solomon brothers were right behind him. "Maybe next year, loser twins," Timmy chuckled, right before he noticed that his sack was empty.

Making friends isn't easy. Ask Juan Guerrero, who moved to New High School High three months ago but he still eats lunch by himself. Nobody picks on him really, but they pretty much ignore him, at least since the incident. You see, Juan had his chance. We almost adopted him into our crew, the skaters, after Juan said he could skate. "Oh yeah?" asked my boy Romeo, "Well, where's your board?" Juan replied shakily, "Uh, my mom ran over it with her car, but I do flips and grinds and all that stuff." Romeo didn't believe him. "Why don't you use my board? Show me one of those flips," Romeo challenged. Juan gulped and grabbed the board. "Uh... Ok," he replied. When you see a good skater on TV or in a video game, skateboarding may look easy. In real life though, just moving without falling, let alone doing any tricks, takes a lot of practice. So I wasn't too surprised when Juan landed flat on his can before he even made it across a single sidewalk square. "Wow! What an awesome flip, Tony Hawk. You'll have to teach me that," Romeo sneered. Now Juan eats lunch alone.

"Oh, a sweater! That was nice Bobby," said Janet after opening the present. Janet thought the sweater was hideous, but she appreciated her boyfriend's effort. Still, she exchanged it for some boots the first chance she got. She figured that Bobby would want her to be happy. A week later Bobby made reservations for two at the nicest restaurant in town. "Janet, I want to take you somewhere special," He said. "I have good news to tell you. Wear that sweater that I got you. It'll be perfect." Janet didn't know how to react, "Um... I don't think that sweater quite matches these boots I want to wear." Bobby huffed, "You know, Janet, that sweater was expensive. The least you could do is act like you appreciate it." Janet saw no other option but to agree to wear the sweater, so she did. Now she was in a pickle.